Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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