i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
pop tarts are not kleenex
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
