I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
