i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
