4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i now understand why vodka
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
