I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
