I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
