god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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