I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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