I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
