Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
