Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
