You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
