oh god the rape fog is back!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
