Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
