hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
