i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
