he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
