I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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