I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
where am i from again
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
