I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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