week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think a kid would responsible me up
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
