Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Congratulations! We have a period
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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