I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
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