Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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