I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
