I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
