you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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