fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
