If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
