Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
