How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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