Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
