I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
