Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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