i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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