trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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