Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
