Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
