sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
