i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
