You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
