I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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