There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
