I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
