vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
