bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
