Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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