when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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