my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
