I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i will never coherently bang her
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
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