I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Someone shattered a urinal.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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