So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
