You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
