u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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