I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
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you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
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Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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