We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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