wakey wakey hands off snakey
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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