I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We left an ass print on the piano.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
