you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
