i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??