I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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