how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
