woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
