No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
