And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
