Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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