Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
