dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
